so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
