i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
