I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
