Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
