My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
