All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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