i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
