All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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