2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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