My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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