I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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