yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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