I can text with my tongue
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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