Porn is love you can see.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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