he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I understand Curling. That high.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
