She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
