I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
