We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize