The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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