i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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