I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize