I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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