Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Vodka?
Forever.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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