I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
