Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
whose parrot is this?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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