just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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