"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Randomize
