I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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