Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
