I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
