She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize