so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i think my cat just said my name.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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