you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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