I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
