I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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