At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
