Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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