I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
