And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize