good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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