Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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