I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
