Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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