Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
