I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
