A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
