I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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