watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
