Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
