You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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