my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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