Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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