that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
