just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
