I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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