he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Randomize
