I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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