i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
