you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
