The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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