Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
