Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
