he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
