4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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