im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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