dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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