she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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