I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
